the calm before the storm

beginning monday, i will heed all my inefficiencies and awkwardness toward pediatrics
the one specialty peeps keep on telling me, are made for me
maybe it's my social inaptitude, my immature sense of seriousness or maybe just because i'm a retard
but for sure i think it's not MADE for me..

that is why i'm kinda freaked out by the thought of handling sick kids
as in 'peeing-in-my-pants-freaking-out'


i love kids but i dun like the notion of being around sick kids and the parents
and yes, the material might be too overwhelming -- to me..

but hopefully, time will tell.. and god will lead me to the path that is destined for me
insya-Allah

on a lighter note, i had one of the most chilaxing weekend for quite some time.
just lazying around and cleaning the place up a bit.. gave me a sense of direction and belonging-ness
might sound a bit off the scale but doing chores calms me down for some reason.. my source of endorphins
before u think i'm a neat freak or something, i would like to stress here that never have i been a tidy person.. missing stuffs and hopping around piles of laundry is a norm to me.. a work of art in picasso-esque;p

and the best things about cleaning up is, u'll find treasure lost since ancient time.. like my old notes saying how i urgently need to lose weight or study more.. kinda like a self-reflection thing.. before-and-after.. and i'm proud to say i'm satisfied with the changes so far.. not quite there yet.. but getting there..

a post of random ideas on current well-being and future hopes... now that's a first from me